Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Erica,

    I've written and deleted at least three different drafts of this writing prompt. I'm ready to tear my hair out. I really shouldn't be surprised. This is an assignment meant to express honesty and authenticity, which is something we've never been good at publicly displaying.

     I'm not sure what created this trait of insincerity. Perhaps it's related to that one time, long ago, when you and I took that summer art camp. The assignment was to create a mosaic using torn up pieces of paper. Once you had your idea in mind, you started to draw an outline of your picture with pencil. The instructor walked by, looked at what you were doing, and proclaimed,

    "It doesn't have to be perfect!"

    I remember the way your cheeks flushed and how you slid further down your seat, becoming much smaller than all the other six-year-old kids in the classroom. After vigorously erasing your work, you looked around and your eyes rested on the girl next to you (who happened to be the instructor's daughter). In hopes that you wouldn't be confronted again, you decided to copy what that little girl was creating. 

    I can see the intention of that instructor's guidance, but you always had your own specific way of doing things. I wonder what would have happened if you ignored what the instructor said and had confidence in your creative process. Perhaps this would have set the stage for a different life path, one that was filled with individuality, clarity, and self-trust. 

    I can feel your six-year-old self tugging at my sleeve as I sit here glued to my computer, unsure of what I should be writing. The fact that I feel a should rather than a want, is what's most bothersome to me. As soon as my fingers start flying across the keyboard, I pause. How will this be received? Does this follow what was asked of me? Is it even worth taking a course where creative expression is graded and potentially criticized? I think back to that memory of you in the art classroom, and I wish I could tell you then what I need to tell myself now.

    Your work may not need to be perfect, but it needs to be honest. Guidance from others is meant to help you with your process, not shut it down completely. Listen to those with more experience, but listen to yourself too. If you want to do things a certain way, no matter how impractical it may be, then trust yourself. Even if your idea doesn't work out, at least you followed your inner spark. You're allowed to be a work in progress and failures don't necessarily point to a flawed character. 

    Putting yourself out there in the world is hard, especially when it comes to any creative endeavor. However, the consequences of rejecting your inner voice poses a greater threat than the external rejection you may receive. Authenticity breeds courage, growth, and a life filled with passion. Don't be afraid of vulnerability and keep being yourself. Even if others don't cheer you on, I will still be here for you.

Sincerely,

Erica