A little over a year ago, I walked around a psychic fair in a state of vulnerability. It was the month of my mom's one year anniversary of passing, and my emotional wellbeing was fragile. I was in deep need of internal safety and comfort, and spirituality was what I turned to.
I felt drawn to this one woman at a booth- her sign said she was a medium and that she also did life coaching. Perfect fit, I thought. I decided to sit down and have her tune into my energy. She gave a statement to confirm that she had tuned into the right person...that I was the type to sit towards the edge of a room to avoid absorbing others' energies and to avoid being seen. It seemed pretty accurate, so I trusted her.
She picked up on my general confusion in life; things seemed to be going well. I then started getting uncomfortable once she tuned into my mom. She made it seem like my entire relationship with her was fraught with conflict, fighting, and lack of love. I wish I had spoken up for myself at the time but I ended up sitting through the rest of the reading. I believe this psychic had some genuine abilities, but didn't know how to properly interpret the messages. She hit me with a name that had nothing to do with me, and in some parts it seemed like she relied heavily on my reactions to influence what she said next.
I ended up doing research that weekend on cold reading techniques, and had the sinking feeling that this is what may have happened to me.
I had also connected with an intuitive artist at that same psychic fair, and had a beautiful experience with her channeled artwork. However, my experience with the "medium" was enough to turn me away from spiritual fairs. I felt so done with psychics...even though I know spiritual gifts are real and that there are talented practitioners out there.
After this encounter, I really had to sit and analyze my relationship with the spiritual field and the relationship with my own internal guidance system. The truth of the matter is that I gave up my power many years ago to those that "know better than me," whether a parent, authority figure, or person that claims access to spirit. I've also misused spiritual tools (like tarot/oracle cards) for the same reason. And the funny thing is...the more external guidance I've received, the more confused I have become.
I don't want my story to necessarily deter people from seeking spiritual guidance, but I want others to be cautious of giving their power up too easily. Here are some things to keep in mind:
1. Psychics are still human. They are still filtering information through their own personal biases, belief systems, and emotional landscape. There is no way to know for sure how much inner work they have done to keep their channels clear. They still have the capacity to get things wrong.
2. Our future is not necessarily set in stone...sometimes there are multiple paths available to us, shaped by our own actions and free will. Even if there is "one path" meant for us, the detours we take along the way still serve as important lessons for our growth.
3. Our connection to God/the universe/source (whatever word you wish to use) still lives within us. I believe we are all extensions of this energy. We have the capacity to tap into this connection if we so choose. Yes, some may have more of a natural ability compared to others, but we shouldn't allow this to squander our own journey towards remembrance.
4. Some of the greatest gifts we have been given in this human life is our emotions and nervous system- I believe it's how the soul speaks to us. Piercing beyond conditionings and pain...and tuning into the wisdom of these systems will give you a wealth of information about what is true for you and what isn't true for you. No one can take that away from you.
5. Discovering and creating yourself is part of the journey. If we had everything figured out, there probably wouldn't be a point for existence. To reject your process of discovery is to almost reject life itself. I still haven't understood that on a deeper level, but I'll leave it at that.
I believe that life sent me this psychic to point me in the direction of deeper self trust and discernment. The direction and clarity that I've been seeking has always lied within myself. I hope that someday I will have the courage to follow and embrace it.
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